Graduation Weekend!

Yesterday was insanely busy... BUT, I've also been putting off writing this because that means it's done... My FINAL post in my "yoga teacher training" series. This weekend went by so fast! This entire time just flew by actually.

Friday we had our prenatal training. If I'm being honest, I feel like MY yoga teaching is pretty much a prenatal class now. All of the things I do are super gentle in that aspect. Some of it in fact is THE EXACT SAME THING.

After we had our graduation celebration at Jane's house. We had our spouses there and just celebrated being together one final weekend and all that we have accomplished. Jane & Steve's hospitality was spectacular! Their home really made Eric and I miss Nottingham! (Shocker, I know!)

I got to try my first Dinkel's cake too! 

Saturday we started the day with a much dreaded practice; Baptiste yoga. I knew it was going to be challenging and I knew it was going to be hot. I was truly afraid of it though. I wasn't the only one who was super vocal in the fact that I truly just did not want to go to this practice. That was reassuring, but I still wasn't sold.

We parked and walked to the studio and I thought... "Great... more walking - in the snow! UGH! Seriously?" Then, Mindy opened the door to s t a i r s. THREE flights of stairs to be exact... and I thought, "Are you effing kidding me? You want me to practice this God awful yoga class, and first I have to walk up ALL of these stairs?" Pretty sure I rolled my eyes, and continued on.

I walked in to the studio space and thought "Hmm. Well... The space is pretty. At least there's that" and proceeded to take off my shoes and fleece.

I filled out the wavier and got to the question that asked about medical conditions and physical limitations. I stared at it blankly for quite some time. All I thought was "What do I write? ... Well, I fell on my knee... That's certainly been a pain in the ass in my regular yoga classes. I guess write that it sometimes gets achy..."

Then I refocused on that word limitations... "What are my limitations? Well, clearly they weren't the half block and three flights of stairs I just climbed. I mean, I'm here aren't I?"

I glanced at Eb and then took my attention back down to the piece of paper. My focus solely on the word limitations at this point.

"Limitations? Clearly, you can see what I look like. I'm plus size. That's a limitation! Because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to do half of what you want me to... So, what's my limitation?? I'm fat! That's my limitation... That can't be a limitation. You can't write 'fat' or 'plus size' there. That's stupid. Why would you write that?"

No sooner then I literally had this conversation in my head (and no, I swear I'm not crazy either lol) the words 'Plus Size' were scribbled on the page. Immediately I wished for white out. Did I really just talk about how achy my knee had been... and then proceed to classify the way my body looks IN THE SAME ANSWER? Yep, I sure did.

THAT'S NOT OKAY! My body is my body. I should not feel that as a limitation. I work around it. That's what I've been working so hard for... That's why I did ALL of this!

Regardless, I reluctantly handed in the form and went into the room to get set up.

My initial reaction; "Great... they don't have bolsters... So on top of me being uncomfortable and hot, I'm going to ache because I'm on the floor." The first thing I did when I walked in that BEAUTIFUL room was notice whether they had bolsters or not. Not the beautiful view. Not the huge half dollar size snowflakes falling from the skies. Not the tree limbs covered in thick sheets of snow... But bolsters? Really?!?

I went over to the wall, and noticed they had super size blocks.

This changed everything for me! I grabbed two, then I picked up a blanket, strap and two regular size blocks. I laid down my mat. and then put the two monster blocks together and laid the blanket over them.

MAGIC! I had a seat! I sat down.

When I finally got the nerve to get out of my head I realized, the view was GORGEOUS! The temperature? A mere 80-something degrees (it ended up getting to 93 during practice). It was pure heaven being warm and cozy in a shirt and leggings and seeing snow and frigid cold staring back at me through the windows.

We huddled first and talked fears. Throwing them out, and writing them down. Then we dedicated our practice to letting go of those fears and tuning into our own body.

Eb was AMAZING! Just spectacular.

By the end of practice I realized; I may not have been able to do everything or even what most of my classmates did. But I did what I could. I tuned into my body and did what it needed... You have no idea how amazing this feels unless you've done it for yourself. This is why I decided to become a teacher... THIS is what I want to share with the world.

I have to say - I learned more about myself on that mat and in that room in the 2 hours we were there than I ever expected.It was raw and it was beautiful. The things I thought I would hate - I LOVED! Had I not at least tried, I never would have known this. It made me realize that catering to my fears and then letting them win time and time again had me truly blocking out the joy in life by blocking out the pain. Never again will I let fear define or the choices I make! I am filled with an abundance of positive energy, and I will take that in all that I do going forward!

Fear is a NASTY thing! It swallows you whole, and takes charge! If I had given in... I never would have experienced what I did. Sure, I'm not proud of some of the things that happened. But, I learned from them. That's all I can ever ask from something like this.

After practice, we headed over to Native Foods for lunch. I wasn't as impressed as everyone else was with their nachos... But their Chili... YES!!!! So so good! I also managed to fall in love with Wicker Park too. (imagine that)

Later in the evening before we went home, we also had a few Puja ceremonial things... AKA "The Woo"

Here we wrote one thing we wanted to be rid of and to let go of and then lit it on fire and threw it in the bowl. Mine was fear... I know you're not supposed to talk about it after you burn it. Because at that point; it's done. BUT, I want to remind myself. I want to share this with people.

DO NOT LET FEAR DEFINE YOUR LIFE OR THE CHOICES YOU MAKE!

The roads Saturday night were awful! But, we made it home. At almost midnight, but nonetheless we made it!

Sunday we started at 9. We had a lot of little ends to tie in our classroom things. MY favorite part was definitely lunch at the diner, and our closing ceremony. Mindy made AWESOME yoga guy cookies!

There is no doubt, I am going to miss these girls something awful! I am so grateful for each and every one of them. They've changed me and I love them for that!

Here is my "Mishelle, go stand over here so I can see if the lighting is okay" pose. LOL

First PUBLIC Class

So, Sunday we taught our 60 minutes classes. These classes were opened and offered to the public at no cost. I designed my class to be a Gentle Restorative Candlelight class and I had 7 people preregister for my class that I didn't even know. THIS FREAKED ME OUT! But, at least I can say the first is done with, right? Two of my cousins came so it was nice to be able to have a couple faces I recognized.

When I planned this and originally sequenced it, I wanted to do something more restorative than I'm used to. I still included movement on a few standing poses, and I was happy with that. But planning it this way could have been my first mistake.

THEN, I tried like hell to move away from that piece of paper! I read the meditation or readings I had written or saved. Then, I would turn to the page I needed as I needed it, but I tried to walk around and give cues without using a script. I actually was SUPER impressed and proud of myself for this. I think I did a fairly decent job doing this as well. I was off the mat. I tried to help offer adjustments. (*I'm not totally comfortable in that just yet) But I tried. I'm proud of that!

However, in doing this. I skipped completely over an entire page I had planned. The part where we got up and moved. I didn't realize it, until it was too far to back track. Making them get up would have completely derailed the entire thing. So, I kept going and added another restorative pose. There were counter poses I should have added... and there were things I think I should have taken out. I really wanted to play with Bridge pose. But, I think it may have been too much. I don't know. I had such a mixed reaction of how the class went. Of course I'm not taking any of that to heart. Live and learn! I know what to do, and what not to do next time and for that I am grateful!

The room was BEAUTIFUL! I went out and took advantage of Hobby Lobby's 50% off candles sale and got LOTS of LED candles! I do wish I would have diffused an essential oil as well though! I also wish I would have taken pictures. I didn't even think of this. I didn't even take candid shots when we were doing our photo shoot earlier in the day! :-(

I wasn't happy with my Savasana song. It played the wrong one. A couple mentioned the song being too fast for their liking in Savasana. That was GREAT feedback. I thought it was a beautiful song. While, I sat there absorbing the entire practice I just taught, I found it lovely. BUT it's good to know these things. Maybe next time I only include that in practice. Maybe the WOO song would have been okay for Savasana.

I had gone to a restorative class where they put out chocolates at the end. I really like that. It was the best piece of chocolate I had ever eaten (and it was just a Dove chocolate). I had taken an hour (or so) for just me, and I savored every taste of that tiny chocolate. I knew I wanted to offer this too; and so I did. 

I've got so many great things in the works!! I can't wait to share!

Last week my position at Focus Om Batavia was made 'Facebook Official'. Here's my blurb! :-)

I also met with Oswego Park District last week!

I am so freaking excited to begin this next venture in my life! Everything is falling into place and I am so grateful for that!

**I guess technically this wasn't my first PUBLIC class... It was however, the first class I taught to strangers! :-)

meh

I'm planning my 60 minute sequence and it's stressing me out. Time constraints are one of my worst enemies I'm noticing LOL

But, that explains why I didn't blog directly after the weekend like I typically do. We ALSO did inversions the last half of the day Sunday. So, Crow, Plow, hand stand, shoulder stand & head stand. It was hard. I was scared. I was i n t i m i d a t e d ! In fact, I almost just lost it and cried. But I swallowed my tears and just watched. I took notes. But I wasn't brave. I was mad at myself for not being brave. Not saying I had to try head stand or anything. BUT I could have tried the set-ups. The "simple" things to prepare for the pose. I wanted NO part. I didn't want to talk about it, so that's why I remained silent.

I'm still tweaking my class for Sunday. I have 2 people I don't know signed up. Knowing this is stressing me out. I don't know why. I'm excited to teach. But I'm also nervous.

Things are falling into place. In fact, that's happened since day 1 of me truly thinking of doing this.

That's all I've got for now....

taking a moment to clarify

Lucky you! TWO blog posts in a week during training! (and in the same day!) I'm feeling the feels people!

Truthfully though, I feel like I need to clarify on this.

I think maybe I was a little too harsh previously in saying what I'm learning is not the style I want to teach. I can't see myself doing any other training. This was definitely perfect for me - and I will go out on a limb -a much supported limb- and say it is the BEST teacher training in my area.

BUT I'm longing for more things. The things I like most.... Like Restorative yoga, Pranayama, Yoga Nidra, Mediations... You could say I'm having a Veruca Salt moment. That's all I was eluding to. I want more! I want it now!

I know I'm being pushed in a good way and for good things. And part of training is doing the things you don't want to figure out what you do. I get it.

I just want a class I can keep up with. That's probably the Kapha in me. But it's truly how I find my release. I want to give that to people.

In student teaching and other various classes I've attended, I can't always keep up. I'm a lot slower in practice than my classmates. Then when I try to instruct a slower pace, it doesn't happen. I don't know how to fix it. Other than cueing. Which is also one of my issues.. I just want to teach people that you don't have to rush through something. You don't have to fit this many poses in a class. You don't have to take me from seated to standing to kneeling to seated to standing... 9 times out of 10 it takes me a little longer to move into something new. I can't change the way I get down from standing.. or the way I lay from sitting.

Back to cueing. I'm having a really hard time with the cueing (like Kosha cueing and what not) It's not too woo for me to experience it in a class. But I'm finding that it's too woo for me to use to direct people. I think that's maybe part of my problem too. Maybe part of that is it's really hard for me wrap my head around it all. I'm thinking that I'm expected to be all WOO about it.

I think I'm overthinking it and making it harder than it really is.

The good thing is all problems have solutions! I just need to find mine.

Thank you all so much for following me on this path!

Oh hey November...

Remember the video to Madonna's Ray of Light in the late 90s? I feel like I'm standing still in the midst of that video. How do I slow it down? It's already November, the year is coming to an end and it's like I won't get a break. Everything is always all or nothing. That kind of thing can be super hard. Finding balance is my number one top priority now.

Saturday I slept. Like slept in! It was amazing! The weather was perfect for catching up on some much needed rest. We didn't get any trick or treaters (we never do) and we didn't make any plans to go to my parents like normal. We ended up ordering a pizza, grabbing popcorn from the movie theater and binge watching Game of Thrones until about 11.

Sunday was super long with the fall back - but it wasn't too bad.

We started the morning with an Anursara practice. I'm so sick of my knee hurting. Ever since I fell it's been nothing but problems.

I'm super interested in Somatics. They're all like little yoga party tricks. When I find myself more interested in something as much as I want to participate and actually complete the exercise, I find myself frantically trying to write notes. I'd much rather watch and take notes on how to cue it and what they should be feeling then do it on my own later. I think I've got a few I want to include as a "workshop" to a pose in my upcoming sequences.

Overall, it was one of the less intense days for me. For that I am grateful. I got called out on not breaking emotionally during Yamas & Niyamas like I had previously warned. Poor Kelsey got the brunt of that last week. I think this may be the reason I feel like to do. Things are bubbling up and there at the surface but they haven't come out yet. I just feel discombobulated and I don't know how to fix it.

If anything, Business of Yoga is one of my favorite topics. Not to toot my own horn (toot! toot!) but I think I'm pretty darn good on this aspect of yoga. Definitely my strong suite. I love that this lets me unleash some of my creativity. I love that I'm making time for this to happen. I actually would really love teaching a class on this. So that may be something to store in my back pocket for future. There are so many things available to you at little to no cost. You don't need a fancy camera... In fact, none of the things I've posted thus far have been with a fancy camera (aside our family picture previews). So if all you have is your phone and access to Facebook then you're Golden! Truly, I would love to get into the operations side of a yoga studio. But I don't want to be taken advantage of. I think I have a lot to offer. But anything managing wise always makes me leery because of how I was treated in a prior position I had.

I'm finding myself frustrated in my style of teaching not matching what I'm being instructed or taught. It's not that I'm not being taught amazing things. I just have a different style I want to portray and maybe that means I need to look at certification programs to get the knowledge/support that I'm still longing for.  I think a restorative training is DEFINITELY in my future. I want my class to be a happy medium between a full on restorative class and what I'm learning now. I don't want to see how many poses I can cram into an hour long class... When I taught an hour and 15 class I only had 14 poses and that included Savasana - which was 15 minutes. I was drawn to yoga because I could do it. Not because I was pushed. So. I feel like my purpose is to help ease into it. Then get them to branch out to things where they will find themselves pushed and tested in harder poses or sequences. If I would have gone to a yoga class other than where I first started - I know hands down I wouldn't be where I am right now. I probably would have walked away and never looked back. I want to be the person who gets them to stay!

Part of me being frustrated is because I'm being pushed from my norm. Which IS a good thing! I also think part of my frustration comes from me having to sort through all of these things that are being thrown at me a mile a minute.  Literally - my binder/manual is overfilling with everything and this isn't even including the reading materials!

It's rough! It's draining and overwhelming yet beautiful and inspiring all in the same. I'm missing time with family and friends... I'm missing weekends... BUT I'm doing something. I'm finishing something! And it's something that is truly going to make the world a better place.

On top of all this; I've also been busy securing work after training. I'm only going to get better with experience. I'm only going to get experience if I seek it. So. That's what I've been doing. I've got a 4 part series starting soon over the course of November-January. It's a drop in class that I've developed compiling ALL of my favorite things to get people on the mat. I'm working and interviewing with studios to secure regular weekly classes. I'm getting overwhelmed at that because I'm realizing how much time it's going to take to prepare for those classes. I think that will be better once I'm done with training. But that's me being hopeful! I'm praying I haven't bitten off more than I can chew. But right now, I feel like I'm drowning! 

So as much as I don't want it to end. I do. For I know when it ends, I will have developed lifelong friendships with each and every one of these ladies. I'm not worried that I'll never see them again and that they won't still be a part of my life. Because I know they will.

I just need to figure out how and get things in order! There is too much chaos happening around me!

Join me!

On The Mat

Hello friends! I've got some exciting news! I've partnered up with a few local yoga studios to bring you;

ON THE MAT!

This will be a 4 class event. I'm hoping to add more dates, but I'm just glad I have my original 4 planned! Originally I had planned 2 to be at Shine and then 2 to be held at the Tiger Club in Aurora. Things haven't panned out with my 2nd location. I'm sure it just needs time. So, I contacted Jenny at Focus Om, and they are going to allow me to hold 2 of my classes there.

I originally wanted to get the 5 Class Passes set up for you. However, I'm fine tuning the details with Focus - and it's looking like this will be a public community event held by them. We will follow their pay structure for this class so unfortunately, I will have to restrict class passes from this location all together.

I have a couple discount codes going around. So if you do plan on purchasing a class pass for a discounted rate, please know that they will not expire and that I AM planning on having more classes within the area. I will be looking at renting Shine out after the new year as well as adding completely NEW locations to the mix.

During this class, it is my intention that you'll be able to take the time to experience a moment for yourself!

We'll practice gentle yoga asanas (postures) and follow it up with a 30 minute candlelight yoga nidra meditation.

In the midst of the holiday season, I promise you, this is JUST what the doctor ordered!

This definitely won't be your typical yoga class! Expect to move a bit, but be prepared for meditation and deep connection with your mind and body!

Shine Studio Batavia
Sunday, November 29th from 4:00-5:30 PM
(available for purchase now!)
*join me after for dinner and drinks at Pal Joey's!

Shine Studio Batavia
Friday, December 11th from 7:00-8:30 PM
(available for purchase now!)

Focus Om Batavia
Sunday, December 20th from
3:00 - 4:30 PM
*stay tuned for rates and details!

Focus Om Batavia
Sunday, January 17th from
5:30 - 7:00 PM
*stay tuned for rates and details!

Want to get updates sent directly to your Inbox? Subscribe to get up to date class notifications and cancellations.

Slow down!

I keep saying "I just have to get through November" or "this sucks" in reference to missing Sundays... My husband... FALL... But in all honesty, I don't know what I'm going to do without these girls in my life every week!

As much as I say "I don't want to do this" pertaining to something challenging... I push myself through it, and I have these girls to witness it. As much as I say "Man, I really HATE being here for 12 hours EVERY Sunday"... I have these girls experiencing it right alongside me. So - yeah I want my Sundays back. But I wouldn't trade this for the world.

I've become one of those girls who can cry on the fly. That's teacher training. It's changing me. It's bringing things out that I buried deep inside and things I didn't know were there. We're sharing and we are changing and growing together just as much as we are separately. I find each one of these ladies SO inspiring! It's going to be hard when this comes to a close. So, I'm getting the tissues ready!

Friday night we went to Chicago Diner after training. I'm definitely looking forward to more outings like this! The best part was our dessert circle; 3 desserts constantly circling the table. :-)

Sunday morning we had a restorative training. If you didn't already know I was super into restorative yoga; my notes surely give me away! I found myself not wanting to do the poses (I've done all of them before) but taking notes frantically as Cindy spoke. I'm looking forward to a certification training from her next year!

Officially, I'm the cool kid storing her mat at her studio... (But more importantly, I got tired of lugging it back and forth all weekend lol)

Ganesha Plus Training... :-) *That's a thing now!

I was all cute and matchy matchy Sunday. bears sweater, headband, matching tank colors. I rocked it!! Then someone asked me who we played and I had no clue. (Turned out it was a Bye week!) lol My response was "I just wanted wear my new sweater and look cute!" lol Here's me Snap Chatting during lunch!

Sunday we also went over Business of Yoga. Which happened to be perfect for when I got home. I've yet to make my own official announcement; but those important to me know AND my husband sport of spilled the beans on Facebook. I love his love and support for me. It means the whole world to me!

I'll be making a more detailed announcement in coming weeks. But I'm proud to share that come December, I will be a part of the team at Focus Om (formerly A Journey Om) in Batavia. I will have 2 regular classes; True Beginners on Thursday mornings and Curvy Girl Yoga on Saturday mornings beginning the first week of December.

I've began to add these tabs under my Class Schedule here on the website. But, I'm sure you want more detailed info as to the cost, and whether you have to sign up before hand. So I will be sharing that information soon enough! Right now, I'm just designing my classes, getting my information ready for their website, and starting to market myself.

I still plan on having other locations that I will be teaching as "Savvy Serenity". More details on that will be coming soon! I'm also structuring those classes, securing locations and dates! I'm planning a small series of classes called "On The Mat" so look for that real soon! You can sign up for notifications on those classes here;

Hello, Fall! (goodbye Fall...)

This weekend was jam-packed with AWESOME! I am so unbelievably lucky to be doing what I'm doing, and to have the people who I have in my life.

Friday I went to my brother's Senior Night and the last home game of the Football season. I have to say, the farther we get into the school year - the more it sinks in, and the more I become an emotional wreck. If I never have kids, I will at least know what THIS feels like. Though, it might be better experiencing this because it's already so intense. I'm not sure I can even begin to fathom when this happens to me with my own kids.

Saturday was my husband and I's 6 year anniversary! Next month we will be together for a total of 10 years. God that makes me feel so old! I'm so lucky to have had the opportunity to have this amazing man in my life. He is there, through thick and thin - no matter what. I'm so happy I get to share this life with him, because there is no one else I would rather share it with. Saturday morning we had a little photo shoot.

This one happens to be my favorite picture!

We spent the afternoon with Eric's Mom. Had pizza (YUM!) and watched movies. She kept Cooper for the night so, we use that night to stop by the Club during bowling to see some friends we haven't seen in what feels like forever. I loved catching up and I wish we could see everyone more often. But with hectic schedules and a dog with some real separation anxiety issues - this becomes damn near impossible!

Sunday I had training. I ended up hurting my knee during the photo shoot after Cooper decided to take a walk in the woods. So, I skipped the morning practice and a lot of the poses I merely watched.

My favorite and least favorite time has become when we go over the Yamas & Niyamas book and homework. It's intense now. Like, sit for an hour and cry - intense. That's hard for me. But I'm facing some deep emotions that I'm bottling up inside. Oh yoga teacher training...

I LOVE these girls! They and this whole program are changing me!

Though one of us was out sick; we managed to still keep her there in spirit. Somehow, a chair was left out for her. Hopefully she is feeling better now. But know how much you were missed Linda! :-)

I found myself really inspired during some of the poses. I caught myself frantically trying to write things as Mindy or Jane said them. Quotes, modifications, more quotes... It's beautiful when the hardest poses that aren't for you inspire you as much as they do!!

October is almost over and it's going by so fast!!! I'm trying to savor every moment I can. But it's getting hard!

BONUS!

Here is another one of my favorites from our photo shoot :-)

this past weekend..

I'm awful! I don't even have fun pictures to share with you from training this past weekend. :-/

Sunday I had my alarm set for 5:15 AM... However; that didn't go off until oh - about 7. So; frantically, I gathered my stuff and thew my hair up and clothes on and headed to the city. I missed the morning practice again. Sitting for 10+ hours is awful.... Practicing yoga after sitting 9+ hours is even more awful!

We taught our 15 minute sequence. I totally lost my train of thought right in the middle. WHY CAN'T I BE GOOD AT THE FLUFF??? I didn't practice - so there was that. I should have practiced. I was so nervous I wouldn't have enough time for the Mediation I wanted to do, that I skipped a few parts and ended up being 3 minutes short.

I so wanted to have everyone check in with their bodies after the lateral bend... GR!

The breath work is so hard. Most of them aren't used to a Ujjayi practice. So, getting them to focus on the breath throughout felt like pulling teeth. But - I could have been better are walking them through it and describing it. I am going to work on this.

I definitely want to take Pranyama workshops; or work more with Caitlin in learning about the breath and how to incorporate it. More so than what I know just from going to her yoga classes. I'm adding even more books to the the long list I've got going for me already.

Time... There isn't enough time! Why can't there be more time???

Well, If there is one thing I've got; it's some skills with a yoga nidra.