Yesterday was insanely busy... BUT, I've also been putting off writing this because that means it's done... My FINAL post in my "yoga teacher training" series. This weekend went by so fast! This entire time just flew by actually.
Friday we had our prenatal training. If I'm being honest, I feel like MY yoga teaching is pretty much a prenatal class now. All of the things I do are super gentle in that aspect. Some of it in fact is THE EXACT SAME THING.
After we had our graduation celebration at Jane's house. We had our spouses there and just celebrated being together one final weekend and all that we have accomplished. Jane & Steve's hospitality was spectacular! Their home really made Eric and I miss Nottingham! (Shocker, I know!)
I got to try my first Dinkel's cake too!
Saturday we started the day with a much dreaded practice; Baptiste yoga. I knew it was going to be challenging and I knew it was going to be hot. I was truly afraid of it though. I wasn't the only one who was super vocal in the fact that I truly just did not want to go to this practice. That was reassuring, but I still wasn't sold.
We parked and walked to the studio and I thought... "Great... more walking - in the snow! UGH! Seriously?" Then, Mindy opened the door to s t a i r s. THREE flights of stairs to be exact... and I thought, "Are you effing kidding me? You want me to practice this God awful yoga class, and first I have to walk up ALL of these stairs?" Pretty sure I rolled my eyes, and continued on.
I walked in to the studio space and thought "Hmm. Well... The space is pretty. At least there's that" and proceeded to take off my shoes and fleece.
I filled out the wavier and got to the question that asked about medical conditions and physical limitations. I stared at it blankly for quite some time. All I thought was "What do I write? ... Well, I fell on my knee... That's certainly been a pain in the ass in my regular yoga classes. I guess write that it sometimes gets achy..."
Then I refocused on that word limitations... "What are my limitations? Well, clearly they weren't the half block and three flights of stairs I just climbed. I mean, I'm here aren't I?"
I glanced at Eb and then took my attention back down to the piece of paper. My focus solely on the word limitations at this point.
"Limitations? Clearly, you can see what I look like. I'm plus size. That's a limitation! Because I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to do half of what you want me to... So, what's my limitation?? I'm fat! That's my limitation... That can't be a limitation. You can't write 'fat' or 'plus size' there. That's stupid. Why would you write that?"
No sooner then I literally had this conversation in my head (and no, I swear I'm not crazy either lol) the words 'Plus Size' were scribbled on the page. Immediately I wished for white out. Did I really just talk about how achy my knee had been... and then proceed to classify the way my body looks IN THE SAME ANSWER? Yep, I sure did.
THAT'S NOT OKAY! My body is my body. I should not feel that as a limitation. I work around it. That's what I've been working so hard for... That's why I did ALL of this!
Regardless, I reluctantly handed in the form and went into the room to get set up.
My initial reaction; "Great... they don't have bolsters... So on top of me being uncomfortable and hot, I'm going to ache because I'm on the floor." The first thing I did when I walked in that BEAUTIFUL room was notice whether they had bolsters or not. Not the beautiful view. Not the huge half dollar size snowflakes falling from the skies. Not the tree limbs covered in thick sheets of snow... But bolsters? Really?!?
I went over to the wall, and noticed they had super size blocks.
This changed everything for me! I grabbed two, then I picked up a blanket, strap and two regular size blocks. I laid down my mat. and then put the two monster blocks together and laid the blanket over them.
MAGIC! I had a seat! I sat down.
When I finally got the nerve to get out of my head I realized, the view was GORGEOUS! The temperature? A mere 80-something degrees (it ended up getting to 93 during practice). It was pure heaven being warm and cozy in a shirt and leggings and seeing snow and frigid cold staring back at me through the windows.
We huddled first and talked fears. Throwing them out, and writing them down. Then we dedicated our practice to letting go of those fears and tuning into our own body.
Eb was AMAZING! Just spectacular.
By the end of practice I realized; I may not have been able to do everything or even what most of my classmates did. But I did what I could. I tuned into my body and did what it needed... You have no idea how amazing this feels unless you've done it for yourself. This is why I decided to become a teacher... THIS is what I want to share with the world.
I have to say - I learned more about myself on that mat and in that room in the 2 hours we were there than I ever expected.It was raw and it was beautiful. The things I thought I would hate - I LOVED! Had I not at least tried, I never would have known this. It made me realize that catering to my fears and then letting them win time and time again had me truly blocking out the joy in life by blocking out the pain. Never again will I let fear define or the choices I make! I am filled with an abundance of positive energy, and I will take that in all that I do going forward!
Fear is a NASTY thing! It swallows you whole, and takes charge! If I had given in... I never would have experienced what I did. Sure, I'm not proud of some of the things that happened. But, I learned from them. That's all I can ever ask from something like this.
After practice, we headed over to Native Foods for lunch. I wasn't as impressed as everyone else was with their nachos... But their Chili... YES!!!! So so good! I also managed to fall in love with Wicker Park too. (imagine that)
Later in the evening before we went home, we also had a few Puja ceremonial things... AKA "The Woo"
Here we wrote one thing we wanted to be rid of and to let go of and then lit it on fire and threw it in the bowl. Mine was fear... I know you're not supposed to talk about it after you burn it. Because at that point; it's done. BUT, I want to remind myself. I want to share this with people.
DO NOT LET FEAR DEFINE YOUR LIFE OR THE CHOICES YOU MAKE!
The roads Saturday night were awful! But, we made it home. At almost midnight, but nonetheless we made it!
Sunday we started at 9. We had a lot of little ends to tie in our classroom things. MY favorite part was definitely lunch at the diner, and our closing ceremony. Mindy made AWESOME yoga guy cookies!
There is no doubt, I am going to miss these girls something awful! I am so grateful for each and every one of them. They've changed me and I love them for that!
Here is my "Mishelle, go stand over here so I can see if the lighting is okay" pose. LOL