Just like you...

I was finally able to log in and get everything fixed on my website. There's so much that needs updating so please bare with me as I get all of this completed. It has been so long since I've even blogged! September 2016... So much has changed since then. There are still things I very much plan to keep private. In fact, when I opened the blog tab and saw the "+" to create a new post I immediately froze and went into panic mode. It isn't that I don't want to create and share content with you all. I do! I'm just having an extremely hard time with putting words to paper these days. Writing has always been an outlet for me and to not have that, I have to say I've been a little lost. The 'problem' here is now I have this yoga business. I guess it's not really a problem; hence why I quoted it - But so many of my students think I am this person who has it all together. What happens when the walls come down and you see that I really am just like you? I have the same worries and problems as you all! And while I'd like to continue portraying that my life is near perfect; the simple fact of the matter is that it is very much so not anywhere near perfect!

I go to yoga classes and I think of my to-do list or my grocery list just like you. Something comes up that stresses me out and I deal with it just like you do! In fact, I have the added bonus of going to a class and paying attention to everyone else's mat but my own because that's just where my brain goes. "Is she in alignment?" "Does she need help?" "Why isn't this teacher offering her additional props or modifications?" Keeping my mind from wandering off my mat has become my BIGGEST challenge since becoming a yoga instructor. Add that to everyday worries and insecurities and well.... Here I am - just like you!

Being a yoga instructor isn't a magic fix for these kinds of things. They help; sure. But that's because they give me outlets to go to when I need it. I complain to my yoga instructor and she tells me to get my shit together and gives me a whole new outsiders point of view to look at the entire situation differently. I lag in my practice too guys! There are days when I just don't want to go to yoga. Maybe it's because I'm exhausted from the week... maybe it's because I don't want to deal with the issues that I have come up in my practice... maybe it's because the last 6 weeks in Savasana I've literally laid there and balled my eyes out for no apparent reason. Whatever it is; I give the same excuses as you do! I blow it off JUST like you do! and much like you, I can totally tell when I am needing yoga back into my life and still; it doesn't make it any easier! 

So; here I am. Back from my rut - or rather beginning to dig myself out of my rut because I'm done self-sabotaging myself. The mountains that I was merely only supposed to climb I've kept with me! I am only here in this place because of ME. MY ACTIONS! MY Choices! I want to hold better classes for you all and give you all what you all so desperately need! And that means you get to meet the real me! No smoke and mirrors this time!

I've got some things up my sleeve! I'm going to take the next couple weeks to get my website updated and I'll slowly unveil! If there's one thing I've realized it's that sharing yoga with you is most definitely part of my life's purpose. Being able to hold space for each and every one of you is one of the most humbling experiences I've ever witnessed. You all enrich my soul to no end and so I want to thank you for that! I'm so glad that I chose this path and yet somehow I think if I never ended up choosing it, it still would have been my destiny! 

Dear Future Student,

My goal in this yoga world has always been to be the stepping stone. 

A stepping stone for the one who says "I can't ever do yoga" or a stepping stone for the one who simply needs an hour of stillness. 

Yeah, I'm going to push you, but not in only physical ways. Sure some of the poses we will do may be challenging. But I’ll tell you, THE most challenging thing you can do is be on YOUR mat. In your own body and in your own mind. 

Everything; EVERYTHING in life stops us from tuning into ourselves even the slightest bit. 

So yeah. It's probably going to suck that I'm asking you to be still. To control your movement by using your breath of which you're also controlling. 

It'sp r o b a b l y going to suck that I'm explaining the pose, walking you through it a couple of times and then there is silence.

You're probably going to want me to talk.

To fill in the void. 

But guess what? 

This is where YOU come in. If you can't be okay with the silence, THAT'S where I need YOU work.

It isn’t that I’m not leading you. I'm watching. Of course, I'm going to make sure you aren't struggling. I'll even chime in to remind you to focus on your breathing and to make sure you aren't holding your breath. I’ll even step in sometimes and tell you where to focus your breath or your energy.

I'm going to throw things out like ‘Hinge’ pose, where I'm asking you to truly think about which body part is moving and when. This pose is great for your hamstrings, glutes and core. But do you know what's getting more of a workout? Your mind! 

You have to remember to inhale and raise your arm, to exhale and lower it at the same time you raise your leg, to inhale again and lower your leg and raise your arm up above your head. Then after all of that, you have to remember to stop. That on that next exhale you're only lowering your arm before you begin this whole entire sequence of movement again. 

Sure. Those muscles you're working are getting a great workout. 

But your mind… That's what’s getting the brunt of it. 

It's okay that you don't like slow yoga. 

It's also okay if you want a faster pace. 

That means you've progressed past the point of my instruction. That means it's time to push yourself more to experience the benefits of other styles and postures in yoga. To see what else there is that you like and don't like.

It could also mean that while you've mastered the types of poses I'm cueing, you haven't yet been able to in tune to your body. And although you can complete an entire Vinyasa flow sequence easily (which I commend you for), you may also need more work on slowing down and getting in tune with your body!

Please know though, in no way, shape or form did you just waste your time;  For one, you learned something about yourself. You learned what you like – and what you don’t. You even spoke up and said what you preferred! That’s amazing! Do you know how many people keep silent on that kind of stuff?

You should also know that you didn’t waste my time either. That last hour we just spent together is so valuable to me. I’ll use it to better my teaching in the weeks, months and years to come. I’ll make changes and tweak things we did. I’ll even pull things that I really liked from our time together and bring them into a future class of mine.

In that short amount of time we spent together; we both learned things! Seriously, how rare is that? How amazing is it you can leave a situation having bettered yourself, and the person you just experienced it with?

Just remember, in the midst of all the chaos, to always check back with yourself. To give your mind that work out again, and to take the time your body so desperately needs in order you to listen to yourself.