I was finally able to log in and get everything fixed on my website. There's so much that needs updating so please bare with me as I get all of this completed. It has been so long since I've even blogged! September 2016... So much has changed since then. There are still things I very much plan to keep private. In fact, when I opened the blog tab and saw the "+" to create a new post I immediately froze and went into panic mode. It isn't that I don't want to create and share content with you all. I do! I'm just having an extremely hard time with putting words to paper these days. Writing has always been an outlet for me and to not have that, I have to say I've been a little lost. The 'problem' here is now I have this yoga business. I guess it's not really a problem; hence why I quoted it - But so many of my students think I am this person who has it all together. What happens when the walls come down and you see that I really am just like you? I have the same worries and problems as you all! And while I'd like to continue portraying that my life is near perfect; the simple fact of the matter is that it is very much so not anywhere near perfect!
I go to yoga classes and I think of my to-do list or my grocery list just like you. Something comes up that stresses me out and I deal with it just like you do! In fact, I have the added bonus of going to a class and paying attention to everyone else's mat but my own because that's just where my brain goes. "Is she in alignment?" "Does she need help?" "Why isn't this teacher offering her additional props or modifications?" Keeping my mind from wandering off my mat has become my BIGGEST challenge since becoming a yoga instructor. Add that to everyday worries and insecurities and well.... Here I am - just like you!
Being a yoga instructor isn't a magic fix for these kinds of things. They help; sure. But that's because they give me outlets to go to when I need it. I complain to my yoga instructor and she tells me to get my shit together and gives me a whole new outsiders point of view to look at the entire situation differently. I lag in my practice too guys! There are days when I just don't want to go to yoga. Maybe it's because I'm exhausted from the week... maybe it's because I don't want to deal with the issues that I have come up in my practice... maybe it's because the last 6 weeks in Savasana I've literally laid there and balled my eyes out for no apparent reason. Whatever it is; I give the same excuses as you do! I blow it off JUST like you do! and much like you, I can totally tell when I am needing yoga back into my life and still; it doesn't make it any easier!
So; here I am. Back from my rut - or rather beginning to dig myself out of my rut because I'm done self-sabotaging myself. The mountains that I was merely only supposed to climb I've kept with me! I am only here in this place because of ME. MY ACTIONS! MY Choices! I want to hold better classes for you all and give you all what you all so desperately need! And that means you get to meet the real me! No smoke and mirrors this time!
I've got some things up my sleeve! I'm going to take the next couple weeks to get my website updated and I'll slowly unveil! If there's one thing I've realized it's that sharing yoga with you is most definitely part of my life's purpose. Being able to hold space for each and every one of you is one of the most humbling experiences I've ever witnessed. You all enrich my soul to no end and so I want to thank you for that! I'm so glad that I chose this path and yet somehow I think if I never ended up choosing it, it still would have been my destiny!