A few weeks ago I went to dinner with a few friends. At one point during this dinner, I remember making note of my butter knife and imagining what it would feel like to slice my veins open with it. Thinking that it had to be better than enduring this entire dinner conversation. This is literally what I envisioned as I sipped my alcoholic beverage and listened to this discussion go down. This hasn't been the only time. In fact, I've been brewing a post like this since January; if not before. I just feel like lately, I keep having the same dinners over and over. So much so, that I've finally decided I'm going to say something.
So, the ENTIRE 3 hours spent over dinner revolved around weight and the number that reflected back to them on the scale. Sure, at times I may have felt super uncomfortable during these conversations because I was definitely bigger than the rest of them, and if they thought that about themselves just what did they think of me?
But listen, if exercise and getting healthy is what you’re into; by all means! And Kudos to you for working on your health. Seriously. Losing inches and pounds is HARD work and you most definitely deserve to be congratulated and applauded for each pound lost and the dedication it took you to get there. It's inspiring! It truly is! But if your entire dinner conversation revolves around a number on the scale; THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! If you’re holding yourself back from dating or from taking a trip because the number on the scale doesn’t reflect what you, in your mind, classify as “perfect”; then THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! Regardless of what that number is, you are BEAUTIFUL!
No, I’m not just saying that. You are so much more than that number. You see, were put on this Earth to make a difference regardless of how big or small you are. That number, small or large, DOES NOT define you as a person and quite frankly I hate to break it to you, but changing that number will also not define you as a person either.
It’s not going to magically drop off a man at your doorstep… It’s not going to magically make everything okay. You’re going to get where you so desperately want to be and the unhappiness isn’t going to magically go away.
By now you’re reading this, infuriated with me and thinking “Well Miss Know It all, what should I do then?” My answer to that is, well, I’m not exactly sure. I don’t know all of the answers. But what I do know is that from the moment you begin to look within yourself your life will begin to drastically change. If someone walking down the street taunting you about your body and the way you look isn’t okay; then why is it okay for you to be doing the same thing to yourself over and over like a broken record? Those flaws or imperfections you’re focusing on day in and day out are YOU. In all retrospect, they aren’t really flaws; they’re what make you a person. A beautiful, living, breathing person with beautiful insight and valued opinions appreciated by the world and the people like me that reside in it.
It’s time to focus your attention in and become comfortable in our own skin! I know it's easier said than done. Of course, even the most positive person has their days where the self-negativity arises. But I promise you that if you remind yourself over and over that YOU'RE WORTH IT, that you are more than a number, that you're more than the size of your calf, arm or your butt and focus your attention on the positive; that negative self talk will go away. It might come back... Matter of fact, I'll warn you that it most definitely will. Just because I say that it’s okay to tune into your body and accept the way it is doesn’t mean you can’t long for change. It’s okay to want to change your body! To work towards a healthier you. It’s okay!
What’s not okay, and what I won’t just sit by and watch, is you tormenting yourself over the way you look or the number that reflects back to you on the scale. Of course I’d like to work on my own body and improve my health by shedding some of the excess weight that I carry. But do you know what I don’t want to do? I don’t ever want to lose ME! Because big or small, I am still me and I’m not going anywhere... and neither are you.
All the love in the world,
M
